Twilight rant...
Over the last few weeks I have devoured the Twilight saga because occasionally it’s good to read something easy, I like vampires and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Okay so the first three books make some sense, they aren’t without fault but they are diverting. The fourth novel is on frakking crack. The plot is ill conceived and unbalanced, there is no real tension and the ending is a cop out.
There are no trully likeable characters.
Everyone is supah speshul.
The female characters are slaves to their hormones and an impossible ideal of motherhood.
Bella: Or should I say Mary-Sue! She is one hell of an irritating narrator, everything about herself is a negative. From her klutzy nature, and low self esteem. She is cat nip to High school boys as well as Vampires and shape shifting wolves. Also insane, she accepts and encourages terribly patronising and mysogenistic behaviour from Edward and Jacob.
Edward: Is freaking creepy and controlling and gave me the willies because I’ve been there with a controlling stalky boyfriend and it isn’t nice. He blows hot and cold, his mood changes on a penny, his attitude to sex is baffling. Also he has no balls and his relationship with Bella is not one of equals.
Jacob is just as bad for trying to control Bella, he just has less sucess. I like Jacob a lot mroe than I like Edward, but even still he turns into a complete numpty around Bella.
Plotwise I can pretty much accept it all up until they get married. All the barriers and misgivings that Bella had are all in her head. Her unwerving desire to die for some imagined cause. The pregnancy screamed fan fiction and not in a good way. And don’t get me started on the mechanics on why male Vampires can father spawn but female vamps can’t. Just made me want to chew my own eyeballs.
The Volturi were a waste of a good plot. And Bella who was so ‘pathetic’ as a human was extra supa speshul as a vampire. SO strong, so graceful, phenomenal at resisting human blood. It was all so bloody conveniant.
Edward is worshipped even when he’s whiny and a pain in the ass.
It got me annoyed because any obstacles that had been placed in Bella’s way just fell away or else there was some kind of deus ex machina happened.
And what bothers me the most is the way that Edward and Bella are held up to be some kind of modern Romeo and Juliet. Angsty restrained teenaged love. Ugh. There are 13 year olds who think that Edward is romantic when he quite clearly is a controlling boyfriend.
Rant ends.
